Nothing beats seeing my son after a long trip away from home. He always gives the best, most excited welcomes. So it wasn’t a surprise that, after one such trip, he jumped into my arms and gave me a serious bearhug. But what he said first did surprise me: “Now we can do my truths again!”
His “truths” referred to a nightly ritual I started about a year ago.
Before he goes to sleep, I speak a word of truth over him and then pray for him. In the Bible, this is called a blessing. It’s what Jacob did for his sons before he died, and it’s what Paul does in many of his letters to new churches. Most importantly, it’s what the father did for Jesus when he began his ministry.
After Jesus’s baptism, he heard a voice from heaven bless him with the truth—a statement of his deepest, truest identity. The father said, “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased” (Mark 1:11).
The obvious question is, why did Jesus need to hear these words? Surely he already knew the truth? The answer, of course, is yes. But Jesus was fully divine and fully human. His human nature, like ours, needed to hear words of encouragement and truth in order to walk in them.
That’s the power of a blessing. It’s not just well-wishing. It’s a renaming. It’s a reconstituting of personal reality. It’s a statement both of what is and what will be.
Humans who hear no blessings easily forget who they are. Or, even worse, they attach their identity to counterfeit blessings.
If people praise you for your fitness or appearance, you make that blessing your reality. If people praise you for your intelligence or creativity, you make that blessing your identity. If people praise you for your work ethic or productivity, you make that your deepest name.
Of course, none of those things are bad things. But none are foundations for a life well lived. They’re shifting sand. Fitness and appearance erode with time. Intelligence and creativity dull over time. Work ethic and productivity weaken with age.
We need deep, unchanging truths if we want to build our lives on a firm foundation. And our children need this more than anyone else because they are developing. In their early years, they’re like wet concrete. When we celebrate grades, athletics, or appearances, we (however unintentionally) tell them: this is who you are, this is why you’re worthwhile.
To be clear, it’s not wrong to celebrate those things. But if they’re the only thing we celebrate, they’ll become our child’s identity.
A Nightly Blessing for Your Kids
At a retreat last August, a sage many years my senior challenged everyone to go home and bless their children every night, not with what we see in them, but with what God sees in them. He challenged me, as a father, to incarnate the love of their heavenly father and say to them what God himself would say.
That led me to create the following blessing, rooted in the truths God speaks to each of us (which you can feel free to steal!),
You are my son. I love you. I’m proud of you. You have what it takes. You are good. You are courageous. You are strong. You make me so happy. Your mommy loves you, your sister loves you, your daddy loves you, but most of all, Jesus loves you.
When I say these words to my son, I always look into his eyes. To be honest, it was a bit weird for both of us at first, but I knew he needed not only to hear my words and my tone—he needed to see my smile and feel my presence.
After I speak that blessing over him, I ask if I can pray for him. He says, “Yes,” and I continue with a prayer of blessing drawn from passages throughout the scriptures,
May the Lord bless you and keep you, and make his face shine upon you. May he teach you in the way everlasting, and may you always know his son Jesus. Amen.
After the first few months of doing this, I wasn’t sure it was doing anything at all. At times it felt like a rote ritual that slowed down bedtime. What I didn’t realize was that the repetition was forming deep furrows in my son’s mind.
At first, he was hearing. Then, he was memorizing. And over time, he was internalizing.
When I say his “truths” today, I sometimes hear him quietly mimicking the words to himself. And my prayer is that when he sees another child hurting, he’ll remember You are good and go help. When he feels frightened, he’ll remember You are courageous. You are strong. When he’s picked on and feels shame or worthlessness, he’ll hear I love you. I’m proud of you. You make me so happy. When he feels lonely, he’ll hear Your mommy loves you. Your daddy loves you. Your sister loves you. But, most of all, Jesus loves you.
In other words, as he grows and his identity hardens, the truth will shape him more than the lies of the world—or even the lies he tells himself.
Or, at least, that’s the goal. I honestly wasn’t sure it was making an impact until that day he greeted me after my trip and told me that, more than anything, he missed being blessed.
His little soul was hungry for deep magic. To hear a spell woven through ritual over time. What greater enchantment is there than to align the heart of an eternal being with beautiful, eternal truths? Bless your children as the father blessed the son and pray that your words would be a signpost to the truer, deeper words God prays over your child every waking and sleeping moment.
Looking for more ways to bless your kids? Pray for them! Learn 10 helpful tips on praying for and with your kids.
